the woman who sits behind me

There is this woman who sits behind me. Let me begin by saying that she is very nice and I believe she means well. But she can also be a great test to my patience. She is one of those people, who we’ve all known, who will randomly reveal something way more personal/inappropriate than the otherwise benign conversation allows for – a sudden hijacking from normaltown to awkwardville.

In my time working in restaurants, I have met countless people like this. For some reason it seems many people working in the service industry have inappropriate things just falling out of their mouths. My favorite story comes from a woman I met while in training for a server job. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t last the week. While we were discussing the issue of over serving customers, she relayed a story about a friend of hers that went something like this:

I have a friend who had a few glasses of wine at Red Lobster for dinner one night. On the way home, her dog jumped in the front seat. She reached down to grab it and slammed into the back of a school bus. Her two year old daughter flew threw the windshield and was decapitated. She was able to say goodbye, though, because she lived through the next 24 hours.

The only reason why I am sharing this gruesome story is because I’m 1001% sure it is false. The first and most obvious reason being that humans can’t live 24 hours after being decapitated. Then there are all the other irregularities – why was the dog just sitting in the car while she was at dinner? Why was a school bus out at night? Was the child not buckeled and just wandering freely in the backseat? 

Plus, she had a personal story to share for nearly every topic we discussed that week, many involving people dying shocking and untimely deaths (The first day she told us her boyfriend had just died the week before in a tragic snowmobiling crash as he turned around to wave to his brother).  She was clearly a bit out of touch with reality.

Now, that is an extreme case and the woman behind me hasn’t said anything nearly that crazy. But this is how our conversation went this morning:

Me: Good morning! How are you?

WWSBM: I’m fine. How are you?

Me: Good, thanks.

WWSBM: It’s my brother’s birthday tomorrow.

Me: That’s nice.

WWSBM: He’s hard to get a hold of but I’m going to try to give him a call.

Me: That will be nice.

WWSBM: Yeah, if he’s not drunk this time.

*awkward silence*


4 thoughts on “the woman who sits behind me

  1. Your story sounds oddly familiar. I went to college with one of those folks(perhaps a relative of your former co-worker?) who had a quasi-fantastic story for every occassion. The first 2 were vaguely plausible, but after that, everyone knew he was lying. We dubbed him Pathological Liar Boy– then shortened it to Phi Lambda (like you do in college). So–they must have created a club now and recruited others, oh dear.
    By the by, bravo on using “whom” properly 🙂 in your previous blog.

  2. Delightful! It has been my service industry experience also that people who share too much are drawn to this line of work.

    My father has been advising against sharing ANYTHING of a personal nature with ANYONE for years now – only in the past five or so have I begun to take his words of wisdon a little more to heart.

  3. Katie, I clicked on your blog post on fb and then just kept on reading, and laughing, and saying, “Oh, that sounds good!” It’s like hanging out with you all over again. You have a gift of putting words together in such a hilarious way! I will be sure to check back in often. Oh, and those black bean burgers just might be on the menu tonight! Long ago, I tried to make veggie burgers and I think I picked the WORST recipe possible. Thanks for making it seem so easy.

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